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Helen here
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Posted: Tue May 20th, 2008 03:17 pm |
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Last edited on Tue May 20th, 2008 03:38 pm by Helen here
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stress free
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Posted: Sat May 17th, 2008 03:40 pm |
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Hummmmmmmmm!
It works !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ha ha ha
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Runnerman
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Posted: Fri May 16th, 2008 06:50 pm |
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Helen's Philosophy
At a town meeting Helen was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Cheswold!” When asked why, she replied that she'd rather be in Cheswold because everything happens in Cheswold 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
Hmmmmm. She might have something there.
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Helen here
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Posted: Sun May 11th, 2008 11:53 am |
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I'm feeling the love all the way over here , I mean there or some where .
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Runnerman
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Posted: Sun May 11th, 2008 02:58 am |
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Double header today:
(1) HELEN THE SECRETARY?
The owner of a golf course in Delaware was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary Helen for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from Delaware State University and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" Helen thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Cheswold women.
(2) HELEN IN A VACUUM
Helen was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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number1mom
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Posted: Thu May 8th, 2008 12:24 pm |
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Only place in Delaware where you get stopped for speeding by cop on foot? anyone want to guess?
And what's wrong with hair from a bottle, what ever make us all feel better, but maybe try a little purple or blue -- just to change it up & give people a little shocker once in a while --that will give us something to talk about , HA HA HA HA
Every one have a wonderful day!!!
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bigbear from the north
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Posted: Thu May 8th, 2008 05:06 am |
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| Your favourite colour? You cheeky girl
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Helen here
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Posted: Wed May 7th, 2008 08:06 pm |
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No red head
Favorite hair colour comes in a bottle
Last edited on Wed May 7th, 2008 08:08 pm by Helen here
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Zymergy
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Posted: Wed May 7th, 2008 07:58 pm |
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Helen here wrote: Is there a blonde joke in there somewhere Z
You're a blonde? That explains a lot!! 
Attachment: yikes.gif (Downloaded 387 times) Last edited on Wed May 7th, 2008 07:58 pm by Zymergy
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oop!
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Posted: Wed May 7th, 2008 04:42 pm |
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Hey the Witch is back , the witch is back
Oh Helen you made the joke X -ray and meat on the bones
Stop using the red hair dye it's dangerous
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Helen here
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Posted: Wed May 7th, 2008 04:19 pm |
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| Is there a blonde joke in there somewhere Z
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Zymergy
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Posted: Wed May 7th, 2008 03:13 am |
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Attachment: skeleton.gif (Downloaded 368 times)
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Helen here
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Posted: Tue May 6th, 2008 08:48 pm |
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| Hey bear I have a little more meat on the bone .
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bigbear from the north
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 05:39 am |
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Your x-rays are ready witchy
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Runnerman
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Posted: Sun May 4th, 2008 04:10 am |
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HELEN AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
Helen goes to the doctor's office in Smyrna and tells him that her body hurt wherever she touched it. She says that she must have a terrible body ailment.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
Helen took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really from Smyrna, are you?
"Well, no" Helen said, "I'm actually I’m from Cheswold."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your body is fine. Your finger is broken."
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Two Cents
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Posted: Tue Apr 29th, 2008 06:11 pm |
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| I thought that Helen's principal mode of transportation was her broom.
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Helen here
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Posted: Tue Apr 29th, 2008 03:45 pm |
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Runnerman wrote: HELEN’S CAR TROUBLE
Helen pushes her car into the Valero gas station. She tells the mechanic “it just died.”
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. Helen says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
Helen asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
You need a carburetor on a horse and buggy ?
 I was never told that
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Runnerman
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Posted: Mon Apr 28th, 2008 10:28 pm |
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HELEN’S RIVER WALK
One day a Cheswoldian woman goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another Cheswoldian on the opposite bank. It's Helen! "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
Then Helen looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
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Runnerman
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Posted: Tue Apr 22nd, 2008 11:45 pm |
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HELEN’S CAR TROUBLE
Helen pushes her car into the Valero gas station. She tells the mechanic “it just died.”
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. Helen says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
Helen asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
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Runnerman
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 03:21 pm |
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CHESWOLD LOGIC
Two Cheswoldians living in Delware were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?" The other Cheswoldian turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
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Helen here
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Posted: Wed Mar 5th, 2008 09:39 pm |
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heh heh heh
Runner you are so full of it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sooooooooooo Shhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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Runnerman
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Posted: Wed Feb 27th, 2008 02:11 pm |
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Helen gets a job.
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." Helen, a brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the Kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat Tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is ... An auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of Headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of Crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said Helen. She thought about it for a moment and then Spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Helen?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, Headlights And running boards, you might as well gas up!"
FOR ONCE HELEN GETS EVEN!
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Runnerman
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Posted: Fri Feb 15th, 2008 01:47 pm |
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OK. Thanks. Here is another one.
SPEEDING TICKET
While sandbagging on Rt. 42 a Cheswold police officer stops a blonde for speeding (26mph in a 25mph zone) and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
(She must be from Kenton)
Last edited on Fri Feb 15th, 2008 01:48 pm by Runnerman
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no one else
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Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2008 04:49 pm |
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Gosh, the Runnerman's jokes are the best. He must know a lot of people in Cheswold in order to get such great material!
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Runnerman
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Posted: Mon Feb 4th, 2008 01:29 pm |
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Cheswold Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
So in a hissy-fit, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says, "Ma'am, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. The babies are just fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a right purdy name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise."
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
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Runnerman
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Posted: Fri Jan 11th, 2008 09:15 pm |
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Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Cheswold, Delaware who has recently been diagnosed as
a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Smyrna. One of my sisters lives in Camden and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dover. I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at the Joliet Federal Penetentiary for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail in Georgetown awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Kenton. She is a part time "working girl" All things considered, my problem is this. . . I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hillary Clinton for
President? 
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation in Cheswold
Last edited on Fri Jan 11th, 2008 09:16 pm by Runnerman
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Runnerman
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Posted: Wed Jan 9th, 2008 02:52 pm |
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That's One Dead Duck...
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. She laid her pet on the table. The vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's heart. "I'm so sorry; your pet duck has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," the vet replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "150!" she cried. "150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been twenty dollars. But, what with the Lab Report and the CAT scan, it all adds up.
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Runnerman
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Posted: Sun Dec 16th, 2007 03:43 pm |
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How's Your Hearing?
Cheswold Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line.
When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"
Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while.
After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"
Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday in Dover.
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Runnerman
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 06:02 pm |
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Cheswold Bubba and the Saga of the Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Cheswold Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical histor y and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"
Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"
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Runnerman
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Posted: Mon Dec 3rd, 2007 10:16 pm |
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Controversy in Cheswold - The Interview at the Law Firm...
There was a job opening in the Delaware’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert from Cheswold and Paul from Dover.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each candidate aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?
Only seconds after talking to them both, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside after the interview. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Paul replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"
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Runnerman
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Posted: Tue Nov 27th, 2007 08:29 pm |
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Rascals of Cheswold...
There was once a truck driver who was almost always on the road. One particular day he was driving along route 27 in Delaware. As he approached Cheswold he sees a man dressed from head to toe in yellow. This yellow dressed man was seemingly waving and motioning to him to get him to stop so, he complied and stopped the truck.
"Hi, can I help you?" asked the truck driver. "Yes, I am the Yellow Rascal of Cheswold and I want something to drink and I want it now!!"
"Geez, alright, relax," said the truck driver. He then went into his truck looked around and found a soda, handed it to him, and then continued on his way.
As he approached Foxpointe he came across a second man who this time was dressed from head to toe in red. Again, this man was signaling to him to stop. So, wondering what this man wanted he stopped his truck.
"Hi, can I help you sir?" asked the truck driver. "Yes, I am the Red Rascal of Cheswold and I want something to eat and I want it now," screamed the red-dressed man. "Alright, Alright, relax," said the truck driver. "I'll see what I can do."
He went into his truck, looked around and found a sandwich. He handed it to him and then continued on his way.
As he traveled a bit further just past the post office he comes across a third guy who this time is dressed from head to toe in blue.
"Oh great! Not another one of these idiots," the truck driver said to himself. "I don't care what he wants, I am not stopping my truck."
But of course this blue-dressed man was very persistant. He jumped into the middle of the road, held out his hands in a "I want you to stop" kind of way and screamed. "STOP YOUR TRUCK!!!"
The truck driver slammed on the brakes, ripped open his door and ran over to the blue-dressed man quite angry as you can imagine.
"Let me guess!!" the truck driver shouted, "you're the Blue Rascal of Cheswold. What the heck do you want!!??"
To which the man in blue replied:
"Your license and registration please."
Happy sandbagging!
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Runnerman
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Posted: Mon Nov 19th, 2007 06:59 pm |
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A cowboy, who is visiting Cheswold from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."Last edited on Mon Nov 19th, 2007 06:59 pm by Runnerman
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Runnerman
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Posted: Wed Nov 14th, 2007 10:33 pm |
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Two old men from Cheswold
Two Cheswoldian men decide to visit a House of Prostitution on Main Street near town hall after drinking their whiskey bottles dry purchased at the new liquor store.
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says, "you know, I think my girl was dead!"
"Dead?" says his friend, "why do you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was making love to her."
His friend says, "could be worse I think mine was a witch."
"A witch??. . . Why the hell would you say that?"
"Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and i gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window... taking my teeth with her." Last edited on Wed Nov 14th, 2007 10:34 pm by Runnerman
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Runnerman
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Posted: Mon Nov 12th, 2007 07:58 pm |
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CHEATING WIFE
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home in Cheswold, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Hummer I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your New York Giant's season tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby replied; "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
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Runnerman
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Posted: Fri Nov 9th, 2007 07:43 pm |
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The Barber of Cheswold...
A guy stuck his head into a Cheswold barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours."
The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said," About three hours."
The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.
"A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes from laughter and said,
"Over to your house
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Runnerman
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Posted: Sun Oct 28th, 2007 09:11 pm |
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In Cheswold, Delaware there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men who live in Cheswold. Concerned about this, a local Cheswoldian woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married Cheswold men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous ... or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our Cheswold employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them! 
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gordo
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Posted: Wed Oct 24th, 2007 11:58 pm |
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The old man's name wasn't Tinari by chance was it?
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Runnerman
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Posted: Wed Oct 24th, 2007 08:43 pm |
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A Cheswoldian man (unidentified for his privacy) visited a traveling tent revival and listened to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.
Ol' Cheswoldian slowly rose from his chair to get in line.
When it was his turn the preacher says, "Sir, what you want me to pray about?"
The Cheswoldian says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
So the preacher put his right finger in his right ear and his left hand on top of his head and prayed a while. Then the preacher put his left finger in his left ear and his right hand on top of his head and prayed some more.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands and asked, "Sir, how's your hearing now?"
The Cheswoldian replied, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday." 
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Gringo Honeymooner
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Posted: Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 05:47 am |
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| Brown noser.
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gordo
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Posted: Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 10:54 pm |
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Hey Foxpointe, welcome back - we miss you guys not being on here!
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Foxpoint
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Posted: Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 10:52 pm |
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Ah, my good friend and comrade. I see you have not lost your touch. What do you make of the fair hamlet of Cheswold these days. Is it not lost in its own quadmire of sin and corruption similiar to sodam and gemoria?
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Runnerman
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Posted: Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 07:02 pm |
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An eighty-three year old Cheswold lady finished her annual physical examination, whereupon the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, But tell me, do you still have intercourse?"
"Just a minute, I'll have to ask My husband, (a lifelong native of Cheswold)" she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Bob do we still have Intercourse?"
Bob answered impatiently,
"If I told you once, I told you a thousand times... We have Blue Cross
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bigbear from the north
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Posted: Fri Oct 12th, 2007 11:44 pm |
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Here you go Painter, you can call off the dogs. This is courtesy of the mayor
He says it's up to you to paint the wheels
Last edited on Sat Oct 13th, 2007 12:42 am by bigbear from the north
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painter
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Posted: Fri Oct 12th, 2007 11:25 pm |
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| runman he mus haf ta be old as mayer mr T? is it mr T?
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Runnerman
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Posted: Fri Oct 12th, 2007 10:26 pm |
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A little boy from Cheswold got on the DART bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said,
"I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said:
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.
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