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P.VanTassell
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 01:50 pm |
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Here is my contribution
Ponderisms...things to ponder
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Last edited on Tue Apr 8th, 2008 01:50 pm by P.VanTassell
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 01:42 pm |
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Firefly1958 wrote:  
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 01:39 pm |
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Last edited on Tue Apr 8th, 2008 01:42 pm by Firefly1958
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designdiva
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 01:27 pm |
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Veterinarian
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
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CCG
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 03:26 am |
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SECONDS before Death (CHILLING).
WARNING! GRAPHIC PHOTO!!
WARNING! GRAPHIC PHOTO!!
THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN
WITH JUST A FEW SECONDS
LEFT TO LIVE
(VERY CHILLING!)
Scroll down
Last edited on Wed Apr 9th, 2008 12:01 pm by
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Bilgerat
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 02:39 am |
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Firefly1958 wrote: Bilgerat and Diva I think we are the only ones that keep this thread from dying .I think we have about the same sense of humor, things are just funny to us keep'em coming it makes my day to laugh
I'm betting that others read here
They're just "skeered" to post
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Tue Apr 8th, 2008 02:27 am |
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| Bilgerat and Diva I think we are the only ones that keep this thread from dying .I think we have about the same sense of humor, things are just funny to us keep'em coming it makes my day to laugh
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Bilgerat
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 11:56 pm |
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TIME PASSES SO QUICKLY
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designdiva
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 10:20 pm |
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Firefly.....ROFLMBO......... Diva
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 09:43 pm |
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---------- Forwarded message -
MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY!
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other
than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does. So next
Saturday at 4 PM. Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of
their houses completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist
effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to
prove they are not Muslims, and to show support for all American women. Since
Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further
proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and
applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless
America.
It is your patriotic duty to pass this on.
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 09:40 pm |
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Nudist Colony
>A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off
his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde
walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
>
>The woman noticed his erection, ca me over to him and asked, "did you call
for me?"
>
>The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"
>
>She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if
you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she led him to
the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly
>pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
>
>Later, the ma n continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the
sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a hu ge, hairy man
lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
>
>"Did you call for me? " asked the hairy man.
>
>"No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.
>
>"You must be new." answered the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart,
it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spun him around, put
him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
>
>The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a
smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she asked.
>
>"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the
$500 membership fee."
>
>"But, Sir," she replied, "you've only been here a few hours. You haven't
had a chance to see all our facilities."
>
>"Listen lady, I' m 68 years old. I only get an e rection once a month, but I
fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here."
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 09:36 pm |
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Remember that cute little Coppertone girl with her dog pulling on her blue bathing suit bottoms during the late 1950's and throughout the '60's?
Well, she's all grown up now, and is living inSarasota, Florida, at Siesta Key Beach.
Last edited on Wed Apr 9th, 2008 03:06 pm by Firefly1958
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 04:36 pm |
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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Bilgerat
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 04:20 pm |
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BEER TROUBLESHOOTING
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
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squatlow
Member
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 03:06 pm |
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LOL .. that didn't come out right that sounded like a Southern Sacrilege!!
I do not use soap on my cast iron. My Hubbie and I always joked that if we ever had divorced, the custody fight wouldn't have been over the kids but over the cast iron; I have some of the best seasoned cast iron in the County 
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Bilgerat
Member
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 01:24 pm |
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squatlow wrote: LOL .... Firefly, when my daughter was in school their class was talking about "Southern" idiosyncrasies and two of them were "saving bacon grease" and "not putting dish soap in your cast iron frying pan" ....... my daughter told on me, "My mom does both".
Soap ??????????
On Cast Iron ??????????????
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Attachment: scary_screamer.jpg (Downloaded 199 times)
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squatlow
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:41 pm |
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| LOL .... Firefly, when my daughter was in school their class was talking about "Southern" idiosyncrasies and two of them were "saving bacon grease" and "not putting dish soap in your cast iron frying pan" ....... my daughter told on me, "My mom does both".
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:34 am |
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Warning About Bacon Grease
DO YOU USE BACON GREASE?
The question is: Do you use bacon grease?
We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids and even into adulthood.? I will never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.
COOKING WITH BACON GREASE?
This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease. This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about.
It could happen to you......or them.
Bacon grease will make your feet small!!
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:24 am |
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:22 am |
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Firefly1958 wrote: O........Kay
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:21 am |
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| O........Kay
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Bilgerat
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:15 am |
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Firefly1958 wrote: Why it's best to get married in a church, sorry just colored outside the lines
Attachment: cantsee.jpg (Downloaded 198 times)
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:10 am |
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:08 am |
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Why it's best to get married in a church, sorry just colored outside the lines Last edited on Wed Apr 9th, 2008 03:08 pm by Firefly1958
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:06 am |
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Bilgerat
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Posted: Mon Apr 7th, 2008 12:01 am |
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I appreciate Gallagher
- "Living in California is like living in a bowl of granola; them around you that ain't fruits or nuts, is flakes."
- "Hey, what do you expect from a culture that drives on parkways and parks on driveways?"
- "Why does cargo go by ships and shipments go by truck"
- "And who was it that created names like "Peacekeeper Missile" and "Christian Militia"?"
- "I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one called 'brightness', but it don't work, does it?"
- "People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up."
- "What would a chair look like if our knees bent the other way?"
- "Y'know, God experimented with the other animals before he got around to us. You ladies oughtta thank him for creating the cow, and getting that udder idea out of his head!"
- "You ever see that sign: 'This Door Must Remain Shut At All Times'... why have a goddamn door?"
- "You know what's stupid? Skiing. You get on top of a slippery mountain with sleds on your feet and you go down... big deal. Try not to. Or, go up! Now that'd be a sport for ya!"
- "If M & M's 'melt in your mouth, not in your hand.' what would they do, say... under your armpit?"
- "If nothing sticks to Teflon, what makes it stick to the pan?"
- "Why is it called a 'building' when they're done building it? It should be called a 'built.' Or, you could say, 'I live in that crumbling over there.'"
- "We go to school to learn to communicate, but all the teachers say to us is "shut up!"
- "Wonder why it is your underarms stink. Did it ever come in handy? Did you ever say 'Well thank God my underarms stunk! He came out of the bushes and I said Get back! I've been to aerobics!'"
- "Women wear a pair of panties but only one bra."
- "I would like now to talk briefly about the Japanese, a race of very short people who are always bending in half. You can't make an honest business deal with them because you can't look em' in the eye."
- "Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas."
- "Before the invention of the telephone, you had to lie to people to their face!"
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Casey
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 11:50 pm |
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Q: What does a Salmon say when it hits a concrete wall?
A: Dam
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 11:18 pm |
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Why, Why, Why
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when yo u say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
]
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
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squatlow
Member
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 08:25 pm |
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| that was a great one Taterbo ........... and Diva, I'm still folding tees LOL
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Taterbo
Member
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 06:41 pm |
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The Law of the Garbage Truck
I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport .
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.
And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that?
This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
This Is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.
They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.
Don't take it personally.
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.
Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.....
'Love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don't.'
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 05:33 pm |
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Last edited on Tue Jul 8th, 2008 06:55 pm by Firefly1958
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Taterbo
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 09:39 am |
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Engineer In hell 
An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 02:06 am |
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| Ohhhhhh..... thats a History lesson! Last edited on Sun Apr 6th, 2008 02:06 am by Firefly1958
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designdiva
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Posted: Sun Apr 6th, 2008 02:01 am |
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Subj: history lesson
Have you ever wondered where the Phrase "You Gotta Be Shittin' Me"
came from?
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of
Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the
Delaware River with his troops.
There were 33 in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters and
stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered
him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging
the lantern back and forth, back and forth.
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and
his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched
for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of
them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side,
wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that
they must go on.
Another hour later, one of his men said, "General, I see lights ahead."
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.
Washington was the first to speak, "Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort."
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, "Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?"
Washington replied, "Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters."
And the Madam said, "You gotta be shittin' me."
Last edited on Sun Apr 6th, 2008 02:02 am by designdiva
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squatlow
Member
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 11:00 pm |
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now diva, that was a good one LOL
I went and got one of the Hubbie's T's and had to try that; took just a "few" replays, but I finally got it. THAT WAS GREAT
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designdiva
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 06:36 pm |
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http://www.zippyvideos.com/9917984225212626/howtofoldashirt
Bet you watch it more than once.....diva 
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 06:11 pm |
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Just checking on you
 ]
Yep there you are sitting at your computer again , Have a Great Day!
Last edited on Wed Apr 9th, 2008 03:03 pm by Firefly1958
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 05:49 pm |
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| Diva thats a great one ! I will pass it alongIt's a 5 smiley. Last edited on Sat Apr 5th, 2008 05:49 pm by Firefly1958
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designdiva
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 03:48 pm |
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| Dont ya just have tears rolling down your cheeks......I remember when I got it the beginning of this year my cheeks and gut hurt from laughing so hard...this chick NAILED it for sure............... LOL
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Bilgerat
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 03:43 pm |
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Diva, that was absolutely hilarious!
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designdiva
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 03:30 pm |
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This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American
company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really
gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
choice for best web mail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak
Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and
down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the
month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently s urging through my body. Just a few minutes from now,
my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes
to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body
amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about
our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely
realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
friend Jenifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings
me to the reason for my letter. Last month , while in the throes of
cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you *&%$#*@ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing happiness is possible during a
menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have
to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that' s actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss
your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
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designdiva
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 02:46 am |
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| Firefly....GOODONE......LOL LOL.....Diva
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Sat Apr 5th, 2008 02:31 am |
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To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best 'wishes', chain letters,
'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED!
For 2008, could you please just send money, Bud Lite,
ammo, gasoline vouchers and airline tickets instead?
Thank you!
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pops
Member
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Posted: Thu Apr 3rd, 2008 12:59 am |
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Tongue Twister
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.
He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one."
The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too."
"I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''
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Firefly1958
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Posted: Wed Apr 2nd, 2008 11:45 pm |
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.The Results of Recent Research Shows There are 7 Kinds of Sex
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner
for a short time and you are so needy you will
have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner
for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and
you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex ..
* This is when you have been with your partner
for too long. When you pass each other in the
hallway you both say 'screw you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex ..
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun
in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex ..
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any
more. She takes you to court and screws you
in front of everyone.
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